This Is Not An Emergency. This Is Only A Test.

I saw this sign the other day during my travels and it got me to thinking.

I am very interested in preparedness. I like the idea of being ready for what may come. I like collecting things, organizing them and planning ahead for ‘just in case’. A friend once told me we were the most self-sustaining people he knew. If that’s true, then we are all in trouble because for all the planning ahead and preparing for the worst that we do here in the Big Cedars, it’s still not nearly enough.

The ice storm of 2007 was proof enough of that. Twelve days without electricity was brutal for me.

We prepare for the worst in all sorts of ways. We buy insurance. We save money. We plant gardens. We raise animals. We go to church. All of these things we do in an effort to hedge against the worst-case scenarios. That’s probably why I like the Worst-Case Scenario books so much. It’s good to know exactly how to survive a falling elevator, jump from a building into a dumpster or stop a runaway passenger train if need be.

The chances of those things happening are low for sure. I don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on them. I do often think about what I would do if the world went to hell, and I was in Rolla or Osage Beach when it happened. I figure that’s how it will go. Then I’ll have to make my way home and fight off the angry hordes of zombies.

The good news is, there’s a manual for that too. The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Paranormal. I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t an app for it. There were two Worst Case Scenerio apps but one was for work. The best way to avoid those scenarios is to stay out of the office.

At least if I’m in Rolla when it happens, I know where NOT to start my trek to safety. Right here, at the “Incident By-Pass Route” because we all know that following the advice of the government or in this case MoDot in the event of a catastrophic emergency will solve all of our problems.

Rule Number One in the event of a zombie apocalypse is this:

Do not follow the “Incident By-Pass Route”. They may be the Government, but they are NOT here to help.


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